May 23rd – Freedom from Fear

“We began the journey toward becoming a true friend, a valued worker, a loving sibling, a trusted child, and a nurturing parent. We knew what our fears were and why we had them. They came out of the shadows and were a matter of record to ourselves, our sponsors or confidants, and to God.”

– Life with Hope, second edition, page 24

Fear has been a major driving force in my life, and certainly while using. When I got high, I ran away from reality, hiding away from my fears about myself and the rest of the world. I figured if I was alone, then no one else could harm me or put expectations on me. I thought I was free, but I wasn’t in charge; my addiction was. My fears of judgment, of rejection, of loneliness, all stemmed from my childhood and adolescent years. These formative years were very difficult and sometimes even traumatic for me. My teenagehood was spent feeling “less than” other people. I was afraid that I didn’t deserve love unless I earned it. I felt that many people in my life seemed to demonstrate this as fact, including my father and my group of friends.

When I started working the program many years later, for the first time in my life, I was surrounded by a group that I felt truly cared about me and loved me for who I am. After that, I started to develop that same love for myself. I began to trust that I am good enough. I’ve done amazing things and proven to myself to be capable in many ways. I’ve found that when those fears come up now, they are often a source of growth and signal an opportunity to overcome that particular fear in order to become stronger. I listen to my Higher Power’s wisdom and guidance, and I learn how to move through fear.

Final thought: Today, I look at fear as a compass I can use to find the direction Higher Power wants me to grow into. I take an action opposite to what that fear is telling me to do, in order to overcome it.