June 14th – Grandiosity

“Were we full of tremendous insights, but unable to follow through with the vast projects we envisioned?”

– Life with Hope, first edition, page 17

Tremendous grandiosity and belly laughing was what started me down the path of smoking pot and living a life with passion. My mind was on fire with creativity. People hired me for unique fabric art and clothing. I gave most of the credit to being high, so it gave me a reason to smoke. I started missing deadlines and not completing projects. I didn’t see the correlation. I just kept consuming, not knowing when it became an addiction until a friend confronted me.

I checked into treatment and learned that I was a drug addict and not picking up again could change my life—Step One. Shortly after graduation, I was in a serious car accident; and as an agnostic, I was shocked to hear myself say, “God help me”—Step Two. I hit my real bottom. I surrendered to moving in with my baby sister—Step Three—and started meditating—Step Eleven—to keep the pain at bay. I found my sponsor in my women’s group and did what she said.

I started a crewel embroidery piece which gave me something to do with my hands and reignited my love of fabric—I learned to follow through. My second sponsor helped me really have a more open and honest program. Then, I found MA; I was home. I will admit that even today, I can have great ideas and not follow through, but it isn’t as often because I finally have the life tools to complete the projects.

Final thought: Today, I will breathe deeply, quiet my mind and listen to my Higher Power’s and the fellowship’s guidance.