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As I have come into Steps 10 and 11, with a solid daily meditation practice and my Step 3 prayer, and my Step 5 and 7 prayer (which changes every day), I think that I have found the root of my problem.
The thing which I suffered from the most in active addiction, which stole my life-force, was my obsession.
Marijuana was always on my mind. The most important thing in my life.
Without it, I find my mind replacing it, with other obsessive objects. Something that I can think of, which my mind wishes to spin a fantasy of pleasure upon, that lifts me momentarily out of my daily life and out of a place of mindfulness, and presence.
If I substitute this thought, this desired object, with an image of a fantastical world —I tried a fluffy pink marshmallow world 🙂 — from below up pops my inner child, needing love and care and attention.
I realise that in my obsessive thoughts, I am looking for something outside of myself which I can only find within.
As an adult, only I can give my inner child– the wounded/neglected feeling part of myself which was shut away in childhood— the self protection, the love, and the care that they need.
On this day I give myself the love that only I can give.
Written by, Anonymous I am engaged in a war with a beast that lives inside of me. It is old, born in the garden of Eden, enslaving all addicts. It is no coincidence that the Jewish holiday of Passover fell while I was detoxing, for this holiday celebrates the release of Jews from slavery. I…
Written by, Terri R. I got my nine month chip at a Glendale MA meeting this week. I am the type of person who reflects on my progress whenever I reach a milestone like this. Course, I am very proud of myself. However, I’m also thinking of all the gifts I received from the program…
Written by, Terry M. In the book, “The Road Less Traveled,” Scott Peck defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” One of the first things I remember being told when I reached these rooms was “we will love you until you learn…
Written by, John H. I believe in myselfI believe that every action for myselfgives value to myselfand if you are willing to actin love of youI believe in you The story of my recovery is the story of desire. What I desired was life, for I was living without desire. I did not know who…
Written By, Anonymous She woke up and found herself alone in a rowboat, stranded on a sandbar with only food and water by her side. She wasn’t quite sure how she ended up there. She thought once the tide came in, “I can make my way to shore. I don’t need help or assistance.” As…
Written By, Anonymous My journey into recovery starts as a pre-teen. I was a survivor of childhood cancer– a kidney cancer– and my parents were superstitious so they did not tell me about my cancer until my pediatrician shamed them about this when I turned 10, 6 years after my treatment. I did not know…
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