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As I have come into Steps 10 and 11, with a solid daily meditation practice and my Step 3 prayer, and my Step 5 and 7 prayer (which changes every day), I think that I have found the root of my problem.
The thing which I suffered from the most in active addiction, which stole my life-force, was my obsession.
Marijuana was always on my mind. The most important thing in my life.
Without it, I find my mind replacing it, with other obsessive objects. Something that I can think of, which my mind wishes to spin a fantasy of pleasure upon, that lifts me momentarily out of my daily life and out of a place of mindfulness, and presence.
If I substitute this thought, this desired object, with an image of a fantastical world —I tried a fluffy pink marshmallow world 🙂 — from below up pops my inner child, needing love and care and attention.
I realise that in my obsessive thoughts, I am looking for something outside of myself which I can only find within.
As an adult, only I can give my inner child– the wounded/neglected feeling part of myself which was shut away in childhood— the self protection, the love, and the care that they need.
On this day I give myself the love that only I can give.
By, Rich C. As a child, I called you Daddy. As I grew up, it became Dad. You didn’t often (or hardly ever) say, “I love you son.” Rather, you showed love. Often, we regret the things not said. Or, regret the hurtful things sometimes said. Before you died, you made amends. You said the…
By, Anonymous Anger was my god, and when I look back to my time in active addiction, believe me when I tell you, all I saw was red. Not the rose-coloured glasses that tell you the world is a utopia, or the glasses you see others through right before the hurt. I saw rage, I…
By, Tanya Mc. Stepping into… I am absolutely powerless over weed in my life.I can honestly say i can’t stop using, once I start.It’s always, just one more time, but then;It seems to be a marathon, on which I embark. But, I feel like it is just me who is doing this.I feel like there…
By Lisa N. Recovery – it takes some time.Minutes turn to days, days to weeks.While the weeks, they mark the climb. Work through the months, get to the end.Recovery is continuous, a journey and path.No final destination you see, my friend! Addiction is our illness, connection is our cure.We wrestle our demons, deal with Life.Adulting…
“I’m having positive transitions. This is the promise of recovery.” – Anonymous Published in A New Leaf – June 2025
By, Jesse P. It started out as one teenaged wishthe click of a lighterand turned into a lifeIt was excitingand floating from the groundcame the laughter and the closeness I needed to have somehowyou turned into a danger from someone I held so close, I don’t knowbut it was time for you to go Oh…
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