What I Didn’t Do

two women holding hands

Written by, Julie A.

Weed once felt like a soft landing — a cushion for my racing mind, a bridge out of loneliness. But over time, the cushion smothered me. Nights blurred into smoke, mornings into fog. I thought I was escaping, but really I was erasing myself.

My wife held me through it, even as the haze built walls between us. She has known more than her share of pain. And when I disappeared into weed, it was as if I abandoned her to carry both our burdens. Love deserves presence, and I was absent.

Someone in a meeting said, “Alcoholics regret what they did. Marijuana addicts regret what they didn’t do.” That line pierced me. I saw all the moments I’d let pass by — conversations unsaid, laughter unfelt, love unattended.

Recovery is where I begin doing again. Showing up. Speaking up. Holding her hand with clear eyes and an open heart.

Published in A New Leaf – February 2026

More Articles

  • Counting Down the Days

    Written by Rysse G. I count down the days that I am sober, like a clock to how long I can just be in my life without running. 12 hours.There’s a train barreling down the generations. 1 day.Recovery they call it. What am I recovering? 16 days.I cry like I’m unplugged, like it feels it…

    Counting Down the Days
  • Poem 3

    Written By, Jessyka C. Don’t know how many more times we can say goodbyeBut I will tryHopefully for one last timeTo see you outThis is itIt’s overI mean thisAnd it’s not like I won’t miss youI willWe were good togetherYou and IWe had some great timesBut MaryYou’re done scaring meWith how much I rely upon…

    Poem 3
  • Stopwatch

    Created By, Anonymous Published By A New Leaf – March 2026

    Stopwatch
  • Heard in a Meeting

    “Don’t tell your Higher Power you have a big problem, tell your problem you have a big Higher Power/God.” Published by A New Leaf – March 2026

    Heard in a Meeting
  • But What If…

    Written By Anthony As I sit in this first day of sobriety, laying in the bed waiting to get sleepy after taking a sleep aid, I’m thinking to myself “But what if I lose it all from disconnecting from everything and everyone?” Only to realize that those what-ifs are what’s kept me trapped for so…

    But What If…
  • Gripped by Green

    Written by, Amy K. Chaos crowned my childhood years,a crown of grief, a flood of tears.Mum was gone before I knewhow fragile love, how brief, how true. At eight, the world was cracked and cold,foster hands, but none to hold.Brother lost to darker fires,needles, powders, failed desires. I found my comfort in the haze,at twelve…

    Gripped by Green