What I Didn’t Do

two women holding hands

Written by, Julie A.

Weed once felt like a soft landing — a cushion for my racing mind, a bridge out of loneliness. But over time, the cushion smothered me. Nights blurred into smoke, mornings into fog. I thought I was escaping, but really I was erasing myself.

My wife held me through it, even as the haze built walls between us. She has known more than her share of pain. And when I disappeared into weed, it was as if I abandoned her to carry both our burdens. Love deserves presence, and I was absent.

Someone in a meeting said, “Alcoholics regret what they did. Marijuana addicts regret what they didn’t do.” That line pierced me. I saw all the moments I’d let pass by — conversations unsaid, laughter unfelt, love unattended.

Recovery is where I begin doing again. Showing up. Speaking up. Holding her hand with clear eyes and an open heart.

Published in A New Leaf – February 2026

More Articles

  • The 12 Step Questions Mash-Up

    Written By Rich C. Is my life unmanageable? Am I powerless over marijuana? Who is God? Who is my Higher Power? Do I now believe or am I open to believing? Can I turn my will and my life over to the care of this God, that I do not truly understand? Can I take…

    The 12 Step Questions Mash-Up
  • Personal Story

    Written By Jess A. I started smoking pot my freshman year of high school. I was an off and on smoker for 40 years. When I was on, I was on. As time progressed and weed got stronger, quitting became more challenging and my ability to live a normal life got harder and harder. I…

    Personal Story
  • Heard in a Meeting

    Published By A New Leaf – December 2025

    Heard in a Meeting
  • Goodbye Weed

    Written By Gwynedd T. Hello there old friend, It’s been about a month since we last spoke. I’ve been thinking about you lately. I remember the first time we met. You scalded my throat and burned me from within, coating my mind and heart with a false sense of security. You made me feel like…

    Goodbye Weed
  • From Bad to Worse

    Written By Christine L. Cannabis—at first harmless. A little flower lifted my mood, made me feel alive. My ex-husband and I partied, laughed, lived freely in the US. Later, alone, I used it spiritually, searching for God, the Goddess within me. I thought I’d found my true nature. I felt guided by spirit. Wrong. My…

    From Bad to Worse
  • When Darkness Returns

    Written By Cheryl B. I have laid cairns—builtstone by stone,hard-earned. They lightwhen the darknessreturns—my footsteps—and others—illuminatingwhat you were onceunwillingto see. Look ahead.Glance up the path. The way isbrightly lit.Just whose stepsshow the wayis of nosignificance. Published By A New Leaf – December 2025

    When Darkness Returns