“The entire foundation of our program depends on an honest admission of our powerlessness over addiction and the unmanageability of our lives. We are, however, responsible for our own recovery.”

– Life with Hope, second edition, page 3

To me, being powerless over marijuana doesn’t just mean that I cannot use in moderation, it also means that I have no control over the effect it has on me once it is in my body. No matter how much I wanted weed to help me feel connected or motivated, I increasingly felt isolated and lethargic. “Unmanageability” was hard to admit, as I had a life that looked outwardly functional and my bottoming-out was on a couch rather than in a gutter. At a meeting I heard, “Unmanageability is when your circumstances fall below your standards.” My original standard was to live life to the fullest and use stories to change lives. In the end, I could hardly complete a thought, much less make eye contact. There had been a very gradual lowering of my standards as my circumstances descended into a haze.

Final thought: Only after accepting the things I cannot change in Step One, was I able to assume the responsibility of changing the things I can, through the following Steps and beyond.