Healing My Inner Child Through Self Love

By, Fiona M.

As I have come into Steps 10 and 11, with a solid daily meditation practice and my Step 3 prayer, and my Step 5 and 7 prayer (which changes every day), I think that I have found the root of my problem.

The thing which I suffered from the most in active addiction, which stole my life-force, was my obsession. 

Marijuana was always on my mind. The most important thing in my life.

Without it, I find my mind replacing it, with other obsessive objects. Something that I can think of, which my mind wishes to spin a fantasy of pleasure upon, that lifts me momentarily out of my daily life and out of a place of mindfulness, and presence. 

If I substitute this thought, this desired object, with an image of a fantastical world —I tried a fluffy pink marshmallow world 🙂 — from below up pops my inner child, needing love and care and attention.

I realise that in my obsessive thoughts, I am looking for something outside of myself which I can only find within.

As an adult, only I can give my inner child– the wounded/neglected feeling part of myself which was shut away in childhood—  the self protection, the love, and the care that they need.

On this day I give myself the love that only I can give.

Published in A New Leaf – February 2025

More Articles

  • Hundreds Flock to MA Yard Sale

    Written by, Carol M. First, the good news. The second yard sale we had (this time at my house) on the weekend of April 13 and 14 [1991], was a rousing financial success. We brought in $788.10 through our own contributions (this time from the shirts off our backs, not to mention the junk from…

  • Dear Mary Jane,

    Written by, Anonymous I am done. I’m done wasting every single moment of every day getting high. You will not steal any more time away from me. For the last eight years of my life, you were my best friend, my partner, my home. You were my safety. You were everything to me, but you…

    Dear Mary Jane,
  • Forgetfulness of Being

    Written by, Sail R. Forgetfulness-of-being Did you forgetthat surrender comesat the foot to the well of being? Did you forgetthat the womb is a woundand not a home for the orphan? Did you forgetthat bubbles burst forthlike new egos,tenuous and awaitingits own destruction? Published in A New Leaf – July 2025

    Forgetfulness of Being
  • Durable Insight

    Written by, Sashank V. I imagine the brain to be an intricate Rube Goldberg machine, where a tiny stream of water flows over tributaries, spinning little water wheels, and setting tiny parcels afloat or aground based on the tide and logic of the day. Smoking marijuana is like setting a fire hose upon this delicate…

    Durable Insight
  • Little Victories

    Written by, Ernest F. I remember someone saying to share at a meeting. Someone may be going through what you have been through or have known personally. Victories should be shared even if they are little; it provides others with a sense of looking forward, or hope! Meditation has gotten better for me, I use…

    Little Victories
  • Why MA?

    By, Chuck R. A lot of people in other 12 Step programs ask the question, “Why Marijuana Anonymous?” I tell them that for twelve years, I was in and out of AA and NA and could not put together any length of sobriety or stop smoking pot. I tell them that I could stop drinking…

    Why MA?