This Tune Shall Pass

a lighter

By, Jesse P.

It started out as one teenaged wish
the click of a lighter
and turned into a life
It was exciting
and floating from the ground
came the laughter and the closeness I needed to have somehow
you turned into a danger from someone I held so close, I don’t know
but it was time for you to go

Oh glory how to cut you out
can I get out for good
All I want is to hold you close
but that’s what I fear most
So I’ll leave – I’ll leave before it swallows me alive

In my eyes everything seemed fine
cozied up to you, not leaving for work on time
what I refused to see, a growing anxiety
you fooled me, gentle and blissful and kind
I lost sight of my feelings, my needs were put on hold
don’t reach for me, you’ve got to change for me to grow

Oh glory how to cut you out
can I get out for good
All I want is to hold you close
but that’s what I fear most
So I’ll leave – I’ll leave before it swallows me alive

Every time I try without you by my side
a crippling craving darkness in my eyes
I can’t let go your pictures, your hands around my neck
But the minute I admit it, ‘bless it, I’m a mess’
Is the moment it begins to turn to cease to spin
a moment I can dream to have control, oh I know

I’ll cut you out
and I’ll get out for good
All I want is to hold you close
but that’s what I fear most
So I’ll leave – I’ll leave before it swallows me alive

Published in A New Leaf – June 2025

More Articles

  • Step One

    Written by, Anna T. I have admitted that I am powerless over cocaine, marijuana, my boyfriend and all mind altering drugs.   My life is/was out of control – I couldn’t handle my bills and my relationship with my boyfriend. I was having a hard time getting up for work.  I was becoming co-dependent and resentful…

    Step One
  • THOUGHTS FROM THE FIELD 

    “Freedom from marijuana, alcohol, and all other mind altering substances” Written by, Carol M. There was quite a brouhaha about that statement a couple of years ago. Los Angeles County MA had incorporated and the four main groups of recovering pot addicts were unifying.  We had a meeting in Balboa Park and the Board of…

    THOUGHTS FROM THE FIELD 
  • The Story of the Lotus Eaters

    Written by, Janet F. About 3000 years ago, the poet Homer told a story about a man called Odysseus, and his travels as he returned home to Greece from the Trojan Wars.  He and his men met up with many adventures along the way, but one I always remembered was when he and his crew…

    The Story of the Lotus Eaters
  • To God with Love, Goodbye to Drugs

    Written by, Regina H. God, I get so disgusted with myselfWhen I refuse to knock the drugsBlow it away with one giant breath,Breath in beauty and blow out death. The pain is like saying farewellTo the potions that made me do dares wellFar away was never far enough to run,Chasing that next hit hasn’t been…

    To God with Love, Goodbye to Drugs
  • Progress Not Perfection

    Written by, Mariska P. The Fourth MA Conference meant progress and letting go for me.  Just under two years ago, it was “us” versus “them” and now it is “we”, a true unified entity of marijuana addicts in recovery. My how far we have come. Imagine through all the different opinions and personalities, Marijuana Anonymous…

    Progress Not Perfection
  • Carrying the Message

    Written by, Andi A. The Twelfth Step tells us, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs. I learned very early on in MA that service would help to keep me sober. It kept…

    Carrying the Message