“We asked our Higher Power for the willingness, strength and courage to look at ourselves honestly, fearlessly, and thoroughly.”

– Life with Hope, first edition, page 18

Before marijuana took over, I had a dream to be a decent parent instead of “checking on something” in the basement, in the car, or in a walk around the block with a one-hitter. It’s not easy to realize many of my dreams went up in smoke. I settled for the grandiosity of imagination. Subsequently, my goals were not met; life slipped away and it hurt to watch peers move ahead. For so many years in my life I was filled with pain and misery because I’d settled for drugs and behaviors I felt were wrong for me. I settled for activities that I thought I should do to please other people. I have been selfish and self-centered and accepted the pain that often results when I get my way. I’ve blamed other people for my troubles instead of looking for my part.

With recovery, I settle less now for pain and misery, though at times I feel it. Now, I try more to truly do what I feel is God’s will for me. One way of looking at recovery is quitting that which causes me pain, like drugs and addictive behaviors, and doing what causes me to feel good about myself, like participating in 12-Step meetings, being loving, and being of service in spiritually fulfilling ways. I wish each and every one of us love and sobriety and the joy of living in fulfilling ways.

Final thought: Today, I can face the consequences of my “wasted” past, and move forward into a new day of recovery with sober choices. I can get myself back on track, and allow the miracle of recovery to gradually change my life for the better.