From Magic to Misery

Written by, Adam K.

This isn’t working for me anymore.

At first, every time felt like fireworks.
You showed me the secrets of the universe—
so many insights,
creativity blooming,
getting lost in thought,
enhancing the senses,
unearthing emotions,
recalling past memories…
Spending more and more time with you
and less and less time with people I loved.
I couldn’t live without you.
But I’m not that person anymore.

Every time I’m with you now
I feel anxious, paranoid,
grief-stricken, and stuck in the past.
I become consumed by you,
obsessed with the idea that I’ll feel the way
I used to feel with you.
But I never do.
It only leads me down
a risky, dangerous path.
I start to overeat,
filling myself compulsively
but never feeling full.
I waste countless hours and
countless dollars on you
with no return on my investment.

The insights are long gone,
my creativity stifled,
trapped in the past, consumed by
guilt, shame, and negative thinking,
distracted, forgetful,
miserable and unmotivated,
caught in a hellish loop.

So this is it.
I’m done with you.
Over the years I loved you so much—
You were the missing piece I longed for.
But the hard truth is
you never loved me back.
You seduced me
and over time
broke me down.
Now I feel like a shell of a human.

I need to rebuild myself.
I need to heal.
I need to recover.
And I need to end this toxic relationship to do that.

Goodbye,
and good riddance.
Man sitting on edge of bench, holding his head in his hands

More Articles

  • But What If…

    Written By Anthony As I sit in this first day of sobriety, laying in the bed waiting to get sleepy after taking a sleep aid, I’m thinking to myself “But what if I lose it all from disconnecting from everything and everyone?” Only to realize that those what-ifs are what’s kept me trapped for so…

    But What If…
  • Gripped by Green

    Written by, Amy K. Chaos crowned my childhood years,a crown of grief, a flood of tears.Mum was gone before I knewhow fragile love, how brief, how true. At eight, the world was cracked and cold,foster hands, but none to hold.Brother lost to darker fires,needles, powders, failed desires. I found my comfort in the haze,at twelve…

    Gripped by Green
  • A Simple Conversation

    Written by, Michael J. A fellow’s post reminded me of a simple conversation I had this morning with the love of my life. It was about how taking something non-narcotic to help me sleep only works if I take it about once a month. If taken more often than that, it does nothing. That simple…

    A Simple Conversation
  • Poem

    Written by, Jessyka C. Mary Jane,My beloved, my wife, my true love,I’m so sad to be leaving you behind, turning down a different lane,But I know I can do better than you, eventually, although you do send me above,I feel I need to be on the straight and narrow for a little while,Take some time…

    Poem
  • Heard in a Meeting

    “Fear is courage that has said its prayers” Published in A New Leaf – February 2026

    Heard in a Meeting
  • Fire & Light

    Created by, Chris P. This is a drawing I made for the new year 2026, wishing for fire & light within. I started drawing only when I was about 9 months into recovery. Inspired by an MA fellow who shared their drawing. I always thought I couldn’t draw or paint and hence never tried. The…

    Fire & Light