“For some of us, Step One meant honesty for the very first time in our lives.”
– Life with Hope, third edition, page 3
Over the years, I have come to a greater understanding of Step One. When I first came into the rooms, I admitted that I was powerless over marijuana, and my life had become unmanageable. How could I not see the wreckage of my life? It was a selfish way to look at my addiction and recovery, and it is not what Step One says.
What I have come to understand and accept is that, “We admitted we were powerless over marijuana.” Not only was I powerless; my boss, my family and my partners were powerless over my marijuana addiction. It is not that they didn’t care for me, it is that I made “our lives unmanageable,” and they did not know how to deal with me. They left, abandoned, or fired me. It is not because I didn’t care for them, it was because I was unable to care for them. I was caught in my own little drama of life. I was unable to see what they needed and wanted and I was unable to communicate with them in an honest and compassionate way.
By working these Steps and being of service to others, I had pulled my head out of the sand of denial and can now see that I can be a positive light in the lives of those around me.
Final thought: Today, I accept that my life is unmanageable and I ask my Higher Power to help all those in my life, including me, to be released from the burdens of this day.
