“Our insanity was evident as we repeated the same behavior over and over, and somehow expected different results.”
– Life with Hope, first edition, page 5
Admitting my powerlessness and unmanageability is a challenge that will take time. I need not be defined by my suffering and desperation. By listening to others’ stories I learned that my experience is, in fact, not unique, but shared by many. Slippery self-deception and self-disgust does not serve me. By becoming a part of a group that loves and supports me, I am given tools to combat loneliness and I’m drawn out of my isolation. As I put together periods of clean time, my internal dialogue is calmed and the chaos is reduced. There is another way to live.
Insanity sometimes is just being “out of order.” I took rewards before actually earning them. I fed addiction at the expense of my peace of mind. In recovery, I learn to reach out to others and find help. I engage in a new way of life that offers hope. As I become open to re-ordering my priorities and place trust in the acceptance and wisdom of a loving Higher Power, my crazy-making cycles are diminished. When I loosen my vice-grip on the levers of my addiction, faith becomes within reach. I am not alone.
Final thought: Today I will be sensitive to signs of a Higher Power in and around me.
