“We began to transform our fears into faith and started to find a new way to love—unconditionally.”

– Life with Hope, first edition, page 20

I had many fears when I was younger. I was afraid of anger; I was afraid of rejection; I was afraid of abandonment; I was afraid that people didn’t like me; I was afraid to speak up. These fears led to a lack of self-esteem, a feeling of being unworthy. I learned to live in my own fantasy world where I wouldn’t have to face these fears. Smoking marijuana seemed to enhance my fantasy world and I could forget about all of my problems. However, I soon realized that getting high was a way to avoid facing my problems. I thought that I was helping my depression by getting high but, actually, my depression increased to the point that I became suicidal. I was hospitalized and had to face reality.

When I entered the rooms of Marijuana Anonymous, I found that I was loved and accepted just the way I was. I remember hearing that fear is the opposite of faith. I learned if I had faith in my Higher Power, if I asked to do my Higher Power’s will, that my Higher Power would always be there for me. Before I entered recovery and had become so unhappy, I thought that my Higher Power had forgotten about me. Now, I know that I had been mistaken and that I had always been under God’s care. Now, I believe the direction that my life takes is always what is best for me, even if I don’t realize it at the time.

Final thought: Today and always, I am grateful for the blessings in my life and for my recovery.