“We spent a great deal of energy blaming others for our problems.”
– Life with Hope, third edition, page 3
During the height of my marijuana addiction, I actively blamed others in my life for my problems, especially my family. “No one has as crazy a family as I do,” I would tell people. Criticizing others for my troubles allowed me to justify my continued, daily using. I collected and savored resentments like the shake at the bottom of a bag of weed, not knowing how much both were making my life miserable. I relished the competitive nature of comparing my life with others. It fed my desire to want to “win” arguments and fights. I would encourage friends to share their family stories, then I would counter with an even worse one. “See how much worse my family is than yours!?” I wanted sympathy and empathy, but mostly I just wanted to feel vindicated. Deep down, I wished I had a normal family and I expected them to treat me better.
In Marijuana Anonymous, I learned that expectations were the seeds of resentment, and that other people’s opinions of me were none of my business. What was my business was my opinion of others, and those needed to change. Working the Steps, I stopped finding fault in others and instead looked at what I brought to my relationships. All the energy I had expended focusing on how others had harmed me only hurt me in the end. Once I looked at all my resentments, and my role in them, only then was I able to let go of blaming others and clean my own side of the street.
Final thought: Today, I no longer find fault with what others say and do. Instead, I work on letting go of my character defects, turning to the fellowship and my Higher Power for guidance.
