Written by, Geoff F.

Recently, it came to my attention that a new MA meeting has been started at the Gay & Lesbian Community Center in West Hollywood. I knew one day such a meeting would start, for if we believe even Master’s and Johnson’s conservative statistics, 10% of all marijuana addicts are gay. I am not writing here, however, to discuss the need for this meeting or to ask for its support. As of yet, I have not even attended this meeting. I do, however, feel the need to share about my experiences with the fellowship of MA, with a desire that I might share some hope.

Two years ago, I came to this program, directed here by a therapist from the Gay & Lesbian Community Center Addiction Recovery Services (what a mouthful!). I was given the choice of attending AA or going to a halfway house. I balked. I claimed I was not an alcoholic (sound familiar?), and did not want to lose my freedom to a halfway house. Why, I asked, was there not an MA? The GLCSC/ARS had not heard of one, but my therapist did a little digging, and found that MA did indeed exist. She got me a list of meetings, the next one being the Monday night North Hollywood meeting at Life Plus. I will not belabor the point that this and all the subsequent rooms saved my life. One day you’ll hear me speak at a meeting and I can bore you in person with the details.

I am, however, trying to make a point here. I immediately asked if there were gay meetings and was told there were none and was directed to gay AA meetings. I went. But I kept coming back to MA. As I began recovery, I “came out” at my regular meetings. “Coming Out” does not really describe what happened. I got honest with my fellows, I let down the walls and let them see who I was, all the parts. I’m certain there were a few who were uncomfortable with what I do in bed. There always will be. I pray for them. Strangely enough, no neon sign flashing “Homo” magically appeared on my forehead. I had lots of issues to deal with. Being insecure. Being jewish. Being an Adult Child. Being compulsive. And on and on. None of these really had anything to do with being gay or straight. They had to do with being a human with a disease. Know what? That’s how I was treated. As a fellow diseased human. Not a balding, bearded, red-haired (what’s left), Jewish, hazel-eyed gay. May people, all kinds of people, unconditionally loved and supported me. Very young or very mature, male or female, Christian or Jew, people let me be me. Gradually, so did I. The love and acceptance I get from the MA fellowship is one of the greatest joys of my life. I have made special, close-knit friendships. For the first time since puberty, I am an un-labeled person. I am a better person for knowing my fellow MA-ers, and some say they are better for having known me. 

I was making a point…… oh yes! I stopped going to Gay AA meetings quite a while ago. I did not feel loved, unconditionally or otherwise. I felt as if every time I walked into one of those rooms, thirty pads and pencils were whipped out to take my inventory. Remember this is my personal experience, not an indictment of AA, gay or otherwise.

I hope these people who need a gay MA meeting keep coming back. I have gotten comfortable discussing anything in an MA meeting. Take away gender and everyone relates. None of us is terminally unique. If you need to be with special peers, I am glad there is a meeting for you to go to. As they are needed, I hope others spring up. But keep coming back, and give other MA meetings a chance. My life has been unalterably and happily changed, not just by the 12 Steps, but by the MA fellowship with whom I trudge that road to happy destiny.

Published in A New Leaf – April 1991